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Sunday, February 2, 2020

A Journey To Self Confidence..

For as long as I can remember, self confidence is something I've always struggled with. I haven't really spoken about this on my blog before, only touched on it here and there but I wanted to share a more in depth reality of my personal journey to self confidence.

I've always been quite shy and reserved, I guess you could say introverted and confidence just isn't something I ever had growing up. The funny thing is, I was always surrounded with confident people, when I look at who my friends are now and who my friends were when I was in primary/secondary school, they all had confidence. I remember always thinking to myself "how does someone have so much confidence? I wish I could be like that". I genuinely used to feel so frustrated at the fact that I was so insecure and yet everyone else around seemed to have it all together.

You would've seen from some of my previous posts that I've talked about my struggle with anxiety. This has obviously played a big part in my lack of confidence and as much as my anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be, it's still something I struggle with from time to time. It's not something that ever goes away but it 100% gets easier to deal with. 

When I was younger I struggled knowing who I was, the environment I grew up in didn't help either. I moved to the UK when I was 5 from Zimbabwe, going from a country where everyone looks like you to a country where hardly anyone looks like you effected me in so many ways. It was only when I was 15/16 that I started truly to embrace who I was.. a black African girl! I spent so much of my childhood wanting to be someone else that I never appreciated who I was. Don't get me wrong, my mum always told me to love myself, always encouraged me to embrace being black but when you don't have friends that look like you, it's hard. 

I'll never forget when I first met my girlfriends. Dione, Daphine, Rianna, Cherelle and Karina.. these ladies helped me in ways they don't even realise! I had never been around such confident young black women before, it was beautiful. Having friends like this made me want to have that same inner self love and confidence they had. Of course at that age, we're all going through our own teenage struggles but these ladies played a very big part in me building up my self confidence. 

I still have a long way to go with gaining more confidence but that's the whole point of the title of this post.. it's a journey to self confidence, all great things take time. Surrounding myself with people who believe in my potential and always encouraging me to be great has helped me on this journey the most. Something I say to myself is "if someone else can believe in me then why can't I?" - I truly believe that the people around you either help you grow or will bring you down. I'm very grateful and blessed to have the friends and family I have. One day I'll dedicate a post to all those special people in my life! 

That's the thing about growing  up.. we're all on different paths to becoming who we're suppose to be and that's exactly why I'm writing this post. I'm at a place in my life now where I can reflect at the progress I have made over these last few years, the older you grow the more life experiences you have and for me, I've seen how certain situations have shaped me into becoming a much stronger person. You know what they say.. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

There is so much more I can say about this topic and I'll definitely be sharing more over time. I really hope to start YouTube soon as I'd love to talk about this stuff rather than type it - I do hope that anyone who reads and has suffered from self confidence can relate. Like I said, it's a journey.

Love Sham x 

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